the mouth of the rat

so I didn't expect to have more to say about this trip but let me tell you.

I went up to the Town Center mall in Boca Raton, which is two exits north of where I am staying. Let's begin with the women with the extreme fakey tans and the plastic surgery and the heavy makeup and the pineapple blond hair and the high heeled shoes at the mall, shall we? They were everywhere.

I was wandering around, thinking about grabbing something to eat in the food court, when I discovered that they have a Legal Sea Foods! Oh my goodness! So yes I am being a hypocrite when I mocked chain restaurants, but as I only get to eat this in Boston I was thrilled. I bellied up to the bar (pun intended) and got a Sam Adams Summer Ale on draft, a cup of New England clam chowda, fried whole-bellied clams, and a pot of steamers (clams). I strongly considered the Lobster Bake which comes with a steamed lobster, steamed clams and mussels, the clam chowder, and corn on the cob, but I wanted to be greedy and get the fried clams. I have only been able to get clam strips outside of New England. So the real question is, is it worth it to drive 5 hours to eat this? Perhaps. Not 100% out of the question. So I apologize to the nola foodie. Regardless, I toasted to Jill on the AT, with whom I ate the Lobster Bake with a few years ago in Boston.

While at the bar, this woman sits next to me, I say hello. She rolls her eyes at me and asks if I can move my chair over a little more (this is as I am shoveling my chowda). I do. She proceeds to make at least eight cell phone calls while I am sitting there merrily eating away. She is probably mid-20's, but has a fake tan and fake blond hair and really long fake nails (takes one to know one). She has this brown low-cut top with gold shimmer on it and proceeds to be whiny on the phone because she can't find someone to hang out with her. My food arrives and she is clearly disgusted with my pigginess and quite frankly the mollusk overload of absurdity.

Then this elderly man sits on the other side of me and he is wearing an orange sweater, white slacks, and white loafers (all clearly expensive clothing). He chats with me, tells me that his son and grandson are both golf pros in Massachusetts. He mocks the blond on the other side of me. He told me that he shopped all day and bought clothes that look just like clothes in his closet. He asks me to guess how old he is. I guess 70 to be polite. He says that he is 80 and he plays golf 5 days per week. I tell him he should meet Grandma Ruth. Then he says "I bought an Infiniti today," as if that is totally normal. I reply that I am still driving my first car. It is clearly a moment of working-class meets bored and wealthy.

After I leave the mall, I notice FOUR Hummers in the parking lot. Because apparently you need a Hummer in south Florida. While driving back to the hotel, a very low sports car gets behind me. It is so low I can't figure out what the hell it is. In fact I can't see it in my rear view mirror while I am driving. Good lord.

So here's to all the normal people who have escaped out of south Florida! Godspeed.